


The Whole Damn Time

by loonyBibliophile



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for FZZT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonyBibliophile/pseuds/loonyBibliophile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Simmons closes her eyes she can still feel herself plummeting through the air, and all she can see is the way his face looked through the glass doors of the lab. When Fitz closes his eyes he can't see anything, because he keeps imagining a world without her in it, the one thing that will never make sense to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whole Damn Time

As Fitz lays in his bed that night, after watching his best friend nearly plummet to her death, just as he could have saved her, and watching her come back, all he can hear in his head is his own voice, replaying everything he'd said on an endless loop.  

_Every minute of every day you've been stuck in a lab right beside me. At the academy. At Sci-Ops. This plane. You've been beside me the whole damn time._

_You have to fix this._

_We're going to fix this. Together._

_  
_The only thing that interrupted the train of reiterating his own thoughts was something Skye had said earlier that day. He'd brushed it off at the time, downplaying him and Simmons because of how stupidly flustered he felt around Skye, but now he couldn't shake it from his head.

_You and Simmons are so tight it's like you're psychically linked._

_  
_And she was right. That was why they worked so well as a pair. Where she failed, he would succeed, and where he failed, she could succeed. If she dropped something, he caught it. If he could finish a sentence, she could. They worked in tandem, in and out of the lab. Even their superiors recognized it, so they never bothered separating them. They were better together. That's all their was to it. That's why he'd burst into the lab, despite the quarantine risk. If she couldn't do it alone, he would help her. He would always help her. And even after he risked his life to help her, she threw herself off a plane, so close to guaranteeing him a world with no Jemma Simmons in it. Logically, Fitz knew people did not need other people. Or at least not specific other people. The world would not end if Jemma Simmons died. But in that moment he thought she was gone, as he desperately prepared to throw himself into the air himself, a last ditch attempt to save her, it certainly felt like if there was no more Jemma Simmons, there could be no more Leo Fitz.

When Ward came rushing in, Fitz relented, knowing Ward was more likely to succeed in actually catching her. After all, Fitz hadn't even passed his field tests. but it still felt wrong somehow. She was his Jemma. His best friend. He should have been the one plummeting towards the ocean like James Bond to save her life. 

Simmons tossed and turned, unable to sleep or even close her eyes. Because every time she did, she could feel her free fall as she tumbled towards the ocean. And she could see the look on Fitz's face as he screamed from inside the lab, scrabbling at the door to try and reach her. She was glad she couldn't hear him. She was sure if she had, the sound of him screaming her name in anguish would have made her feel even worse than she already did. She wasn't sure how she was meant to get any sleep tonight. Or ever again, for that matter. 

Whether or not she had done the right thing nagged at her. She knew Ward thought she did. But at the end of the day, Ward's opinion only mattered so much. She wondered, idly, if Fitz was still awake. Something told her he was lying awake just like she was. She wondered if he thought she had done the right thing. Quietly, she pulled herself out of bed, wrapping the comforter around her shoulders and slipping outof her bed unit. She barely made a sound as she made her way to where Fitz was staring at the cieling of his sleeping cubicle. She knocked softly. 

"Fitz? Fi-... Leo? Are you awake?" her voice was a soft whisper, but still loud enough to be heard, if he was awake. A second later there was a rustling noise and quiet steps as the door was slid open.

"You couldn't sleep either?" his voice was quiet and rough, probably from the stress of the day and all the screaming he'd done. Simmons shook her head. Fitz beckonedher in, shutting the door behind them. 

Heavily, he sat down on his bed, and Simmons sank down beside him, pulling her blanket around his shoulders. She took a deep shuddering breath before speaking. 

"Did I do the right thing?" her voice was hardly audible, more breath than real words. If Fitz had been anyone else, he probably wouldn't have been able to hear her. He gritted his teeth and was silent for a minute. He shook his head, cleanching his eyes shut. "But I thought the anti-serum didn't work. I did it to save the team. I did it to save you."

"You  _left me._ How could I think you did the right thing when the right thing was you throwing yourself into the ocean, and out of my life?"

"Because if I stayed you could have died!" 

"We're a  _team_ , Jemma."

"Exactly! Teams help each other. I couldn't stay in that lab and sign your death warrant when I could save you. How can it not be the right thing to save your best friend's life?" her voice shook, ever so slightly, and she rested her forehead against Fitz's shoulder.

"How can anything be the right thing when we're not together? S'how it's always been. You and me. Fitz and Simmons. Fitzsimmons." his voice was low, and there was an edge to it, but even Simmons wasn't sure if it was anger or fear.

"Leo..."

"You said it yourself Jemma. You never forced me to follow you anywhere. But I did. Because when we're together, we're  _better_. Better scientists, better friends, better people just, better."

"I wouldn't have joined the team without you." she whispered, fiddling with the cuffs of her sweater.

"I know." Fitz nodded.

They were silent for awhile, listening to the hum of the plane as it moved through the air. if it weren't for the heaviness of the mood hanging in the air, it would have reminded Simmons of the late nights they spent together in university, cramming for their respective finals together, until the inevitably passed out sitting up around four in the morning. Fitz spoke suddenly.

"You did the right thing, Jemma. I hate to admit that, but you did. I don't want to think about situations where the only solution is losing you. I'm just. I'm just glad Agent Ward caught you. And I'm sorry I couldn't stop you from jumping in the first place." she shook her head, tears pricking at her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Fitz's neck, shaking her head again. Her voice cracked as she spoke.

"I'm sorry." she whispered "I'm sorry. I didn't want to but I thought it was the only way. I turned around to see you one last time and you were screaming and every time I shut my eyes to try to sleep I feel myself falling and I see your face yelling through that stupid glass window." 

Fitz adjusted the blanket over both their shoulders, putting an arm around her and weaving the other one into her hair. He leaned over, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, his face lingering against her hair, blinking back tears.

"I love you, Jemma. I've loved you this whole damn time." he murmured, his lips still pressed into her hair. She nodded, hiccuping. 

"I love you too, Leo. Even if you are pasty." she hazarded a half hearted smiled at him. He chuckled, wiping his eyes with his knuckle.

"Well, at least we can be pasty lab monkeys together, right?" She giggled, scrubbing at her eyes with her palms and nodded. 

"Together. Hey, Leo?" he nodded "Could I maybe. Stay here? I don't really fancy trying to sleep by myself after the day I've had."

"Of course, Jemma." 

They rearranged the blanket, shuffling around a bit to fit both of them in the small bed. Eventually, they figured it out, Simmon fitting herself easily into Fitz's side, and letting the sound of his heart beating evenly in his chest drown out everything she saw when she closed her eyes. Fitz rested his head back into her hair, his fingers curling against her neck, holding onto her as if she was the only lifeboat in a storm. They were soundly asleep in a matter of moments.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure there will be a dozen fics like this by the time the week is out, but I just had to. I love these two so much. Be kind, this is my first time writing anything for AOS


End file.
